


Once or Twice is Good For Your Soul

by shrek



Category: Danny Elfman - Fandom, Frasier (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 01:26:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12783942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrek/pseuds/shrek
Summary: a story as bold as this cannot possibly be summarized. one must read the entire thing to truly Understand.





	1. Chapter 1: Intro

"And on line 1 we have Mortimor from Seattle. Hello, Mortimor. I'm listening." Doctor Frasier Crane said into the microphone as he took the first caller of the day on his radio show. 

"Uh, yeah, hello? Frasier, I mean Dr. Crane?"

"Yes, this is Dr. Crane. Go ahead, Mortimor. I'm listening."

"Well, I got this problem. See, I have two sons, and they think their mother died. But, in reality, that was their step-mother. What I never told my boys is that their real mother is still alive and well."

A dog barking could be heard in the background of the call. "Stop it, Eddie!" Mortimor exclaimed in the background. 

Frasier's brows furrowed. "...Dad?" he asked.

The caller sighed. "Alright, Frais, you caught me, but what I said is true."

Frasier choked up. "I... I don't know what to say. We'll be right back after this break. and Dad, we'll talk at home."

Roz gave Frasier a confused look and Frasier left to go home. 

\----------

Frasier walks into his apartment, where his brother Niles and his father Martin are sitting, waiting for him. 

"What is the meaning of this, dad?!" Frasier demanded as he slammed the door behind him.

"Now, Frasier, don't get mad." Martin Crane calmly said. 

"Mad???? You want to see MAD?" Frasier started getting worked up. Niles got up and grabbed Frasier and made him sit down. He gave Frasier a glass of sherry and got one for himself. 

"Thank you, Niles." Frasier said and immediately gulped down the entire glass of sherry. The laugh track laughed. 

"Now, boys, I've brought your real mother here. Now this might be hard to take in at first." Martin said.

Out walked Danny Elfman, lead singer of Oingo Boingo and composer of Tim Burton films. 

"Is this some kind of joke?!" Frasier angrily said. 

"No, boys, I swear-" Martin started but he was cut off by Niles.

"Dad, that is a MAN!!" Niles exclaimed.

"I don't think this is very funny, dad!!" Frasier retorted.

Danny chimed in with a soothing tone of voice, trying to calm them down. "Now, boys, didn't you ever wonder why you were so different?"

Frasier and Niles just looked at each other.

"I birthed you. I birthed you both and then planted you here on this planet with your Earth Parents Martin and Hester." Danny Elfman explained gently.

Niles fainted. Frasier was confused and angry. If this was a prank, it was certainly not funny and very cruel. 

Soon, some stuff happened and diagrams were shown, and eventually the Crane boys were convinced that they did, indeed, come from Danny Elfman's mpreg womb. 

"Niles, do you know what this means?" Frasier looked at his younger brother and asked. 

~~~~~~~TO BE CONTINUED~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	2. Goodbye, Norma Jean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is explained

~Scene cuts to the famous Cheers bar~ 

Donald Fagen and Walter Becker from the Steely Dan were sitting at the Cheers bar Seattle Branch™ rehearsing what would become their signature song, "Where Everybody Knows Your Name (Cheers Theme)".

Frasier and Niles stormed in the door and sat at the bar. "This is an outrage!" Niles cried out. 

"I concur, Niles!" Frasier agreed. 

"Hey, ey, eyy. Now what's the big deal here, boys?" Sam Malone, the bartender, asked the Crane boys. 

"Hey, Frasier, I didn't know you had a brother!" Carla Tortelli, the bar's waitress, said. 

"Well, I, well..." before Frasier could finish, someone busted through the Cheers bar door. 

It was none other than Danny Elfman, wearing his famous purple-tinted glasses. He approached Niles and Frasier and put his arms around both of them as he started to speak. 

"Now, boys, I realize this may be very confusing for you." the Elfman started. 

"Confusing?!" Frasier exclaimed as the laugh track went off. "I'LL Show you 'CONFUSING'!" Frasier moved over to attack Danny Elfman but Niles held him back. 

"Frasier, please! We should listen to what he has to say!" Niles stated.

Frasier calmed down a little. "Very well, then" he agreed to his younger brother. 

"Good." Danny went ahead and took a seat next to the Cranes at the bar. "So I bet you boys have a lot of questions."

Sam Malone just gave a confused face, but didn't bother asking what was going on.

"I.. I don't know where to begin. You see, when I gave birth to the two of you, it was a miracle. No man had ever laid 2 eggs like that before. Unfortunately, Niles, your egg hatched much later than Frasier's. We were worried that you wouldn't make it. Thankfully, your mother Hester and your father Martin were there to incubate you." 

Niles was very confused and Frasier just laughed at him.

Suddenly Rick Sanchez woke up. "I'm pickle RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!" he yelled!!!

Next thing he knew, Frasier Crane woke up. 

"Frasier, you're on in ten minutes!! Come on, get up! You really need to get some sleep at night!" Roz Doyle, Frasier's producer on his radio show, said as she hit him lightly with a stack of papers.

"Wha-huh....?" Frasier snapped out of his dream and back into real life. The "On Air" sign lit up and Frasier spoke into the microphone. "Good morning, Seattle. This is your host, Doctor Frasier Crane. I'm Listening." He began to take calls and you know the rest of what happens. 

"On line one we have Shrek" Roz said to Frasier.

Frasier chuckled as he answered the caller. "Okay, 'Shrek'" he looked over at Roz with an expression that read "are you serious?!" "I'm listening."

"AYE 'AVE A PROBLEM ON ME SWAMP. ME BOY FRIEND DAVID DOESNT ACCEPT MA HOBBY" Shrek screamed into the phone.

Frasier was baffled, but this was nothing compared to the dream he had just had, so he went along with this "Shrek" and proceeded to give him advice.

"Shrek, dahling, who are you talking to, baby?" an English-accented male voice could be heard saying in the background.

"AYE IT'S NOTHIN, LOVE. NOW GO BACK TO YA MUSIC OR WHATEVEH." Shrek screamed at the top of his lungs. 

Frasier took off his headphones hastily as he did not want to go deaf. 

"Look, uh, Shrek. I realize your companion may not accept your, what was your hobby again?" Frasier asked.

"IT WAS," Shrek started screaming. He grabbed a megaphone and put it right on to the phone's speaker to finish the sentence: "ONION FARMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The headphones broke completely, as did the station's telephone's receiving speaker. "Well, that's all the time we have for tonight, folks. Goodnight, Seattle, and good mental health. This is Doctor Frasier Crane, signing off."

Frasier all but rushed out of the radio station and, in fact, the entire building; rushing right past Kenny and Bulldog and that gay chef. He just had to get home to make sure he was not still having that bizarre nightmare he'd been having earlier. 

Frasier got home and everything was normal and it was all a dream. Still, he wondered about the Shrek thing. "Ah. We'll save that one for later." he said aloud as he pondered. Martin Crane just looked at Frasier confusedly, but waved his arm as to motion the thought "Nah, forget it. I won't even bother askin'. That's my Frasier, all right." 

Daphne walked out carrying a laundry basket. "Oh, Doctah Crane. I almost forgot to tell ya. Some famous composer is coming over later to discuss workin' on ya show's theme song. His name was.. Oh, what was it? Danny... Danny somethin'.." Daphne pondered. 

"...Elfman?" Frasier hesitantly asked.

"Oh, YES! That's it! Thank you, Doctor Crane. Oh, this is so exciting! A celebrity coming over here." Daphne responded.

Frasier screamed the loudest high-pitched scream that one could possibly imagine, followed by a loud "ooh ooh ah ah" from an ape (Caesar from Planet of the Apes).

The scene cut to black and Elton John's "Candle In The Wind" started playing as the credits rolled.


End file.
